YUGEN

img_20181225_171239Strangely enough, on Christmas day, I found myself on an inter-state train journey. The gradually changing landscape seemed metaphorical, reflecting the hazy passage of months gone by. Memories and thoughts bounced around in my head, keeping me awake through the 13-hour journey. Thankfully, my fellow passengers were a merry lot. They chatted with me, shared food, laughed and felt like family. Like they say, anything is possible on a train journey.

As everyone settled in for a snooze, I stood leaning against the doorway, basking in the soft rays of the setting sun. It felt like a ‘kairos’ moment; the perfect time to let go of all the accumulated heaviness of the past year. In classical rhetoric, ‘kairos’ refers to a proper or opportune time for action. As the train chugged along, I felt ready to get ‘back on track’.

The next morning, as I stepped out onto the red soil of my native land, there was a lightness in my step that had been missing for a while. Despite the unexpected heat, everything seemed to spark indescribable joy. The Japanese call it ‘Yugen’, a profound awareness of the universe that triggers feelings too deep and mysterious for words. It is this very awareness that can supposedly turn our life around.

When he was little, my nephew sometimes would go and sit in the bathroom by himself. When asked why, he would sheepishly say, “I made a mistake, so I’m grounding myself”. It was endearing and hilarious at the same time. Grounding, unlike physical punishment, is a more positive corrective action. By taking away freedom or privileges, children are essentially taught to understand the consequences of their actions.

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As adults, we need grounding too; a different kind, but a lot more restorative. The earth is a huge battery that contains natural electric charge. For safety and stability, most everything in the electrical world is connected to it, whether it is an electric power plant or your refrigerator. That’s what the term ‘grounded’ means, also known as ‘earthing’. The same applies to us too.

We are bio-electrical beings, but thanks to modern city life, we become so disconnected with the earth that it is inevitable that we find a depletion of energy. Reconnecting is the only way we can charge our human batteries and remain healthy. Walking barefoot on a sandy beach or a stroll through the park is sufficient to begin with.  The countryside, for me, became the right place to initiate this kind of rejuvenation.

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On one of my recent jaunts through the National Park in my vicinity, I chanced upon the oldest tree there. Just touching that beautiful tree trunk uplifted me. How mightily it has stood the test of time, through rainstorms and harsh winds!

That is my goal for 2019. To stay strong, majestic and beautiful as I brave everything that life throws at me.  And that is my wish for all of you too.

Whatever else you may have planned for the coming year, remember to experience ‘Yugen’ when possible, ‘ground’ yourself and stay vibrant. Keep bringing yourself back to the awareness from time to time. Do it often, and remind yourself that all of your power is in your awareness.

Michael Bernard Beckwith sums up the awareness of this power when he says, “Remember to remember!” Make this your theme for 2019. Cheers to a sparkling new year!

 

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Grounding information sourced from, ‘Grounding the Human Body: The Healing Benefits of Earthing’ by Clint Ober, Gaetan Chevalier and Martin Zucker

CLOSURE

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The weather is too beautiful not to be missing her. When a cool orange glow lights up the evening sky and bounces off window panes, I find myself sipping on tea and lost in thoughts of her. Tea-drinking was ceremonious to Marie. Even on her busiest day, she would always make time for a leisurely cup of tea. Sitting on her couch, squinting at nothing in particular, lining up the thoughts in her head…that’s how I remember her. There was so much she wanted from life and so much she wanted to give back. Marie was my mirror, my reflection; a strong, warm soul with a highly raucous laugh. Now there are only memories, empty spaces and echoes.

People come and go. But soul-sisters are a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon. Marie and I met as most people do, in accordance with destiny’s plans. It seemed like an ordinary friendship at first. But when we started completing each other’s thoughts and understanding the in-between silences, that’s when it got eerie. That’s when we realised that our connection ran deep.

There was this one time, when I needed to travel on my own. I was young and naïve. I tried putting it off because I had never travelled alone or lived apart from my husband. She just said one thing to me: “You need to do this, Ren; not because you have to go, but because you choose to”. That was my one way trip to emotional independence. She was always trying to pull me through.

When I lost Marie to a terminal illness, the tears did not come as expected. They came a good two years later. Out of nowhere and without any warning. It was late evening; the lights were dimmed, there was music playing and I was nestling a drink. That was how we rolled back in those days too. That was how we defined leisure and camaraderie. And just like that, I broke in half. The sobs came hard and left me exhausted. But strangely enough, they healed me too.

That night, it was as if Marie came and gently removed the bookmark from our chapter and urged me to move on. She was big on finishing what you started. Like always, even though a hallucination, she took my hand and led me to myself.

At about that time, I wrote a few lines but never dared to share it. I’m doing it now because someone somewhere might need a connection. Someone might need hope and courage; because losing a loved one can mess up your mind in a big way.

They say there are six stages of grief – denial, anger, fear, guilt, depression and lastly, acceptance. Different people might deal with it in different ways. But closure is important. And acceptance is key.

 

STAGES OF GRIEF

 

I ain’t devout, prayed very rare

Went to church once, found my angel there

She left too soon, I wasn’t ready

It left me hurt and all unsteady

I refused to believe that it was final

What it was, is pure DENIAL

Saw her lifeless, no smile no more

My tears were dried, my heart was sore

Her daughter stood by, just a teenager

All I could feel was rage and ANGER

Then they put her six feet under

The candles were lit, it seemed like a blunder

How could I live without you dear?

My heart was gripped with chilling FEAR

I brooded for months over what went wrong

Could have supported more, could have been strong

My mind was boggled with a lot of filth

What I felt was searing GUILT

The skies got cloudy, the birds didn’t sing

My moods were morose, I’d lost my wings

Got all worked up, felt frustration

Sank into pits of dark DEPRESSION

One night then, I dreamt of her

She smiled at me, and smiled some more

Are you fine love, I asked her then

She nodded her head and held out her hand

I hugged her close, she wasn’t in pain

Her heart was strong, her face radiant

She made me promise, I’ll move on then

Finally there came ACCEPTANCE

 © Renica Rego

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