My days had gotten sporadic. Disarray had replaced ritual. There was no structure, no tidy arrangement of chores, no laying down of thoughts in neatly organized rows. For a while, it was okay. But like hair left uncombed for days, my mind got matted and disheveled. I needed some semblance of order, some arrows that would point me to where I should be going.
I have always been ritualistic; even if my morning ritual is nothing more than a cup of tea. The tea isn’t significant, the act of sipping it in the hushed silence of the dawn is. Some days, I wake up bursting with creativity, but many mornings I’m a tangled mess of cluelessness and no perspective. So I linger over my tea, listen to music, read or just mind-doodle for a bit. Eventually, as I sit at my desk and let the words fall out, a path is paved in the wilderness. To quote Aristotle: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” So the point I’m making here is about habits. Good, sturdy, rewarding habits. Whether you live in the fast lane, on the edge or cooped up in four walls, your little rituals and habits will determine who you become.
I wanted to be a few things. But the rigidity of discipline has never appealed to me. What’s appealing is everything flowing in serenity. So instead of making time-tables, I figured love-tables would work better for me. What were the things I loved to do? If I didn’t really love them, but they still needed to be done, how could I find something to love about them? That was my personal ‘Eureka’ moment – the love-table.
I was never a morning person to begin with. It’s kind of absurd to say that, ‘cause if you aren’t cracked up about a new day, it means you lack enthusiasm and aren’t grateful for what you have. I needed to dust my attitude. When there is no real need to wake up at six in the morning, try sweet-talking your mind into doing it. Try giving yourself a reason. Practice the ‘attitude of gratitude.’ A lot of successful, organized people recommend meditation as soon as you wake up. But it did not work for me. Even before I open my eyes, my mind is ravening for words, my hand is groping for the phone and my heart craves to connect with friends. So the first thing I do is look up quotes to brighten up people’s mornings – quotes that inspire, quotes that move or simply bring a smile. Without realizing it I had started drawing in magic into my own mornings. Like the sun rays that bounce off from distant window panes, the words would reflect back to me and inspire me to weave some magic of my own. This is how I turned into a morning person and a consistent writer.
Then there are indispensable things like exercise. I like the quietude of yoga, but I needed an outdoor activity to fall in love with. Mum kept harping on the beauty of walking but it didn’t really appeal to me at first. It was boring. So I had to find something to spur me on my walks. I love music. I like the freshness of the outdoors. And I like to smile at people. So the walk became a way of breathing in fresh air, saying hello to people, smiling at strangers and discovering new music every day. The allure of these other things became the reason for the walk.
And lastly there’s the de rigueur stuff, the oh-so-boring chores. Like doing the laundry! How can folding clothes and ironing be remotely interesting?! So make that television time. Laugh through a funny show, discover interesting places on Fox Traveler, learn about world cuisine on TLC or sway to music on VH1. Voila! Laundry done!
Forcing yourself into a habit in the hope of becoming a better person or having a better life is unlikely to work. Instead, find things you love to do. A habit you love is more likely to stick. Replace things you dislike with things you enjoy. Make your own love-table. As you become clear about who you are, you will know for sure where you want to go. This is how you will honor your true self. This is how you will be what you are meant to be. In the words of Maya Angelou, “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” Sing your song. And sing it fearlessly.