CLOSURE

IMG_20140718_111431_20140721120159693-1

The weather is too beautiful not to be missing her. When a cool orange glow lights up the evening sky and bounces off window panes, I find myself sipping on tea and lost in thoughts of her. Tea-drinking was ceremonious to Marie. Even on her busiest day, she would always make time for a leisurely cup of tea. Sitting on her couch, squinting at nothing in particular, lining up the thoughts in her head…that’s how I remember her. There was so much she wanted from life and so much she wanted to give back. Marie was my mirror, my reflection; a strong, warm soul with a highly raucous laugh. Now there are only memories, empty spaces and echoes.

People come and go. But soul-sisters are a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon. Marie and I met as most people do, in accordance with destiny’s plans. It seemed like an ordinary friendship at first. But when we started completing each other’s thoughts and understanding the in-between silences, that’s when it got eerie. That’s when we realised that our connection ran deep.

There was this one time, when I needed to travel on my own. I was young and naïve. I tried putting it off because I had never travelled alone or lived apart from my husband. She just said one thing to me: “You need to do this, Ren; not because you have to go, but because you choose to”. That was my one way trip to emotional independence. She was always trying to pull me through.

When I lost Marie to a terminal illness, the tears did not come as expected. They came a good two years later. Out of nowhere and without any warning. It was late evening; the lights were dimmed, there was music playing and I was nestling a drink. That was how we rolled back in those days too. That was how we defined leisure and camaraderie. And just like that, I broke in half. The sobs came hard and left me exhausted. But strangely enough, they healed me too.

That night, it was as if Marie came and gently removed the bookmark from our chapter and urged me to move on. She was big on finishing what you started. Like always, even though a hallucination, she took my hand and led me to myself.

At about that time, I wrote a few lines but never dared to share it. I’m doing it now because someone somewhere might need a connection. Someone might need hope and courage; because losing a loved one can mess up your mind in a big way.

They say there are six stages of grief – denial, anger, fear, guilt, depression and lastly, acceptance. Different people might deal with it in different ways. But closure is important. And acceptance is key.

 

STAGES OF GRIEF

 

I ain’t devout, prayed very rare

Went to church once, found my angel there

She left too soon, I wasn’t ready

It left me hurt and all unsteady

I refused to believe that it was final

What it was, is pure DENIAL

Saw her lifeless, no smile no more

My tears were dried, my heart was sore

Her daughter stood by, just a teenager

All I could feel was rage and ANGER

Then they put her six feet under

The candles were lit, it seemed like a blunder

How could I live without you dear?

My heart was gripped with chilling FEAR

I brooded for months over what went wrong

Could have supported more, could have been strong

My mind was boggled with a lot of filth

What I felt was searing GUILT

The skies got cloudy, the birds didn’t sing

My moods were morose, I’d lost my wings

Got all worked up, felt frustration

Sank into pits of dark DEPRESSION

One night then, I dreamt of her

She smiled at me, and smiled some more

Are you fine love, I asked her then

She nodded her head and held out her hand

I hugged her close, she wasn’t in pain

Her heart was strong, her face radiant

She made me promise, I’ll move on then

Finally there came ACCEPTANCE

 © Renica Rego

     IMG-20140514-WA0004

 

 

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “CLOSURE

  1. Oh Renica….

    Apologies… haven’t read this with undivided attention… people fail to acknowledge… but I too work for a living and I too have Monday morning blues …..

    You conquer the topic completely with some great lines sewn like the gold lines in embroidary……

    … that was my one way trip to emotinal independence……

    ….. that night, it was like Marie came and gently removed the bokkmark…..

    …..omg…. its so eerie….. marie is actually you yourself…… full of zeal n will never die alone………

    …. keep writing… ….love you so much…….

    Like

  2. Hi Renica , I could only read it now , during Eid hols sitting at the beach after morning walk , all around so peaceful . Good setting to read your best writing so far , but not the last , u r getting better by each new writing . One of the best description about a friend I have read and reread . Hold my hand and takes me to myself ” these lines are amazing and so deep . The poem is awe some . It’s a truism . Just few weeks back I heard a talk about Accepting situations to conserve energy . And than His Grace works . This organization is called Oneness ” they teach u about Chakras , my latest interest in self development , after yoga and Toast master . You can write in a mesmerizing style about abstract things . Keep doing and send pieces to magazines for publication . U will get amazing response . All the best and keep sharing .

    Like

  3. Beautiful.

    It does move us to tears, almost to say so. Great Writing.

    The Poem! Excellent.

    What else to write. A Poem that does what it is supposed to do exactly!
    Hmmmm! Awe-Inspiring Poem!

    Well, Never stop writing, and Never stop Inspiring!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s